This summer we made a rather spur of the moment decision to sell our house and move again. Our area was getting very congested very quickly and we just wanted out. We found a little bit of land out in a tiny country town, picked up everything and moved. We moved an hour away from friends, family, our church, everything. We made the decision, however, that we were so happy and attached to our church that we'd make the hour drive every weekend to keep going there. Our friends were there and we were comfortable there.
That's about the time that everything changed. We'd had a new worship pastor for a few months and I really liked him. His style had a bit of southern baptist flare, a bit of that fire and brimstone and I loved it. Worship was getting me fired up like never before.... and then he left, took a job in another state. Such a downer. At that time someone mentioned something about what if our campus pastor left. I replied that I was sure I'd pretty much just die. Yeah I know, I reverted back to being a teenager for a moment. Ha! For real though, he is a big part of my journey and how I got to where I am, why I ended up staying in the church that has become such a big part of our lives, he baptized me and when my husband came to faith he baptized him as well. Our first Bible study together, my husband agreed to go to because this pastor was teaching it. Just absolutely golden.
The very next week, he announced he was leaving to start his own church. It was going to be even further away than we were already driving. Knife to the heart.
I am not one to let things like this knock me down though, I just became determined to try to be involved regardless of distance. I did a LOT of praying about what I should do. How involved should I be? Do I just consider this the end of something? Have I learned all that God meant for me to learn from this person and I needed to accept it, say goodbye, and move on? What do I do and where do I go? I was on the hour long drive home from a church event, it was actually a going away reception for our pastor and his family, and I was asking God all of these questions. Driving in silence, just talking it out with my Creator. "Do I just follow along online, send my support long distance or do I sign up for the launch team and truly get involved? Do I commit even if it means doing it alone?" And I got a response.
The words "Step out of the boat" filled my mind. I didn't even have to question what that meant because I was immediately filled with the certainty that when I got home I was signing up. The distance didn't matter, I was meant to move forward. And so I did and I brought my husband along for the ride. He agreed to indulge me, he was put off by the distance but open minded. He just wanted me to be prepared that we may not like the vision for this new church, it may not be something we can really commit to.
Vision Night comes around and we secured babysitting so we could ride the Harley to it and check things out. I used to think I needed a large church with a lot of production. I wanted to be able to hide in the crowd and not get noticed. Sitting in a living room though, hearing about Jesus in a small intimate setting, singing worship songs to a single acoustic guitar, I had serious goosebumps. It felt so right, like the way it was really meant to be. There were tears and chills and a very real presence. On the ride home I was again talking through in my head what should we do? Is this where we are meant to go? Ahead of us there appeared a rainbow in the sky. Big and bright and not to be missed.
During all of this we were still attending our usual church, getting to know the new pastor, we switched to a more convenient service time for our long drive. It just didn't feel the same. Our son moved up to the next room in the children's ministry and it turned out to be not such a great fit for him. He hates loud noise, he has some sensory issues when it comes to sound and has to wear noise cancelling headphones sometimes and his new room was SUPER LOUD. We went to pick him up and he was sitting alone on the floor with a headset on a fidget toy just surviving til we got him out. He said it was NOT fun at all. I have to admit I found the volume level to be quite uncomfortable myself. Now I had a new dilemma. I don't want to keep sticking him in an environment he doesn't like, he isn't going to to be learning about Jesus if he has to curl up in a corner with a headset on. My mom said she felt he needed something more traditional, less production, less noise, not so busy.
Hmmm...I know of a small church with less production and less people that doesn't have massive amounts of sound equipment... haha. Which, quite frankly, seems to be hard to come by these days in contemporary churches. We could switch campuses but I am sure it is the same at all of them. By the time this new church plant gets big enough to have that sort of set up, maybe our son will have grown out of his sound issues and gotten a better foundation in Christ in the process.
The church I have called my home for the past 3 years, that I thought I would never want to leave, just doesn't feel like home anymore. We still have friends there. I am not totally sure how to reconcile all of this but I feel like God closes doors and opens new ones. If I were meant to stay where I am, wouldn't it still feel like home? Wouldn't I still feel drawn there? That is how He has always led me in the past, a gentle push in the direction I am meant to go. He got me into BSF when it was totally against my personality to join something like that because it felt like where I was supposed to go. He led me to the stage to face my fear and share my testimony, He led us to the home we bought which in turn led us to the church we called home. He led me to the baptismal to face a crippling fear of water, in His name. He called my husband to Him in that same church. Since, my interest in BSF has waned, perhaps His purpose for it in my life has been completed. Maybe the same holds true for the church I once called home.
God lead us to where you want us. We will follow you.
Your own ears will hear Him. Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,” whether it be to the right or to the left.
Isaiah 40:21
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