So, I have been having neck problems for a while and they have been getting worse. We just moved, we have a list of things we need and want to do for this house and for ourselves. A new mattress was not on this list. We both woke up yesterday morning, stiff, painful, feeling old and my husband pointed out that he thinks our mattress just isn't what it used to be. It's barely 3 years old but already isn't cutting it. I thought that could explain why the countless number of pillows I have tried haven't been fixing my neck issues. We briefly talked about how nice it would be to get a new mattress but it wasn't very high on the priority list and we left it at that.
Maybe an hour later or so I sit down at my computer and see there is a new post on our neighborhood Facebook page. A neighbor's friend had "adopted" a local family in need for the holidays, the whole family sleeps on the floor under one blanket because they don't have mattresses and is anyone looking to get rid of one? I had to get up and go tell my husband about this and I was like isn't that a freaky coincidence? He pointed out that we don't really believe in coincidence and I agreed, seemed like God was telling us something. We are over here complaining about something that some people don't even have, we have the means to finance a new mattress so we decided to offer the one we have to this family. It is a king size so, even if no one else came forward, that family could all fit and have a much better place to sleep this Christmas.
So that's what we did. I have pledged our mattress to this family, I have ordered ourselves a new one, and we will likely have to sleep on our guest bed in the in between time...but at least we HAVE a guest room!
Here is where the awfulness comes in. Right after the money was spent and we have added one more loan, one more monthly payment to our situation I started thinking about all the stuff I want. Selfish, material stuff. Unimportant luxuries. I start feeling annoyed about how much of that stuff I could have bought with the money I just spent on a new mattress. I start stressing out about my stuff. Oh how I want a new wedding ring set because my tastes have changed, how much I want this overpriced fancy vacuum cleaner, how I want to replace my carpet with wood flooring... stupid, materialistic stuff while this family has to share a blanket on the floor.
And then I cried. I spent a good part of this morning crying. Not over the money or the stuff. Over the realization that I'm a terrible, selfish person. What kind of monster am I that I lament over these non-essential objects while a family is suffering. I should just feel good that we helped them and who cares what it cost! I have been so wrapped up in my wants that I let it take control of me.
Pretty sure God is giving me a serious lesson on what is really important and showing me how blessed I truly am, even if I never get all of that stuff. I can tell my story about how God healed me and fixed my anxiety, showed me how to live free but I need to not lost sight of the fact that I am still so broken in many ways and need His guiding hand to show me what I need to work on. To remind me of what truly matters in this world. This isn't our forever home, don't let material things, temporary things stop us from doing what Jesus meant for us to do.
Sometimes, He has to hurt us to put us back on the path.
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