Something in the Water

People who haven’t experienced it may think, “So you got dunked in water, that doesn’t change you”, but at least in my case that would be incorrect. After the activity died down, after my friends went home after celebrating with me, and I sat down in the quiet house I realized I definitely felt different. It became evident in my day to day life. I did a lot of things that normally wouldn’t have done and it may seem small but for someone with my level of anxiety it was a big deal. Little things like, walking out of Walmart with my bags and seeing someone’s name badge with a key card attached lying in the parking lot. The old me would have stepped over it, gotten in my car, and left. This time I hesitated and felt that little whisper “someone needs that” and I put my bags in my car, grabbed the badge and took it to the customer service desk.

Other little things like taking the Lord’s name in vain, I will admit I did it a lot and without thinking anything of it. I stopped doing it. I’ll slip once in a while but immediately feel bad and apologize to God for it. Sounds silly I’m sure but the Spirit will convict you to make you a better person. My taste in music has changed. I used to listen to a lot of angry sounding music. I identified with that because I was truly an angry person on the inside. Now I am drawn to Christian/worship music almost exclusively. I do switch to country once in a while but the real country from the 80’s and 90’s era or older. None of this pop/bro country stuff. Just more wholesome music in general because, as they say, garbage in garbage out. Not that I never listen to my old stuff. I do on rare occasions but I’m not drawn to it. I have found that I am much more compassionate, much more likely to cry for someone other than myself, the “what’s in it for me” attitude is gone.

The biggest change, however, is my anxiety has subsided to the point that I can actually live my life like a normal person. I make phone calls, I go shopping alone, if I can’t find something I will walk up to an employee and ask for help rather than walk around in circles. If my son is playing with another kid at the playground I will talk to the other mom and even ask to exchange info in case they want to do a play date sometime. Point being I am braver and stronger. I know I’m not alone because God is with me. I used to be constantly afraid of making a fool of myself. Better to not interact at all than to embarrass myself. Now I realize that the only one that I need to “impress” is God. I am His, He is my Father, and He loves me no matter what. If I fall He will pick me up and He never meant for me to hide behind these walls. He wants me to shine, we are the doors He uses to walk through and spread His love. I can’t do that if I’m hiding from the world. So with His guiding hand and by His Spirit I was released from the chains of anxiety that imprisoned me so that I am able to go out and shine His light.

Water baptism is, of course, just symbolic. Something about doing it though really does change you. It's like the final light is lit, you open your soul completely and allow the Holy Spirit to fill you up and you are made new, forever a child of God.

-You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a basket. Instead, they set it on a lampstand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16