I woke up but did I truly “wake up”? I’d say my faith in God
greatly increased but I still had quite a thick veil over my eyes. I went on as
usual, letting my fears rule my life, avoiding anything I found uncomfortable
or anxiety inducing. Scoffing at the idea of going to church, having some man
tell me what I should believe, how I should believe, while sitting by a bunch
of holier than thou hypocrites.
No thank you.
I went on about life, living as I thought I should. Not
realizing that I was actually a selfish, uncompassionate, liar a lot of the
time. In 1999 I kept having this weird feeling like I had a hole that couldn’t
be filled. I didn’t really know what it meant but shortly thereafter I ran
across an article regarding baptism and I thought, “There! That’s what I need!
I need to be saved.”
(I know better now so
stick with me)
Now being a person totally afraid of doing things in public
and also with a hefty fear of water I searched for the best way to get this
baptism thing done without experiencing any discomfort. Allow me to explain a
bit more. Neither of my parents swim well and it was instilled in me early that
water can kill you. This translated in my anxiety ridden mind into a serious
fear of water touching my face or going over my head to the point that I will
have a panic response to these things. I can’t even stand getting water on my
face in the shower.
So back to the baptism; I chose to be baptized Methodist.
They only do the sprinkle of water and we knew a Methodist pastor already who
was agreeable to doing a private ceremony with only my parents and his wife as
witnesses. And so it was that I filled that hole and was saved…right? I thought
so anyway.
And life moved on the same as always.
-If the Good News we preach is
hidden behind a veil, it is hidden only from those who are perishing.- 2
Corinthians 4:3
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