Parenting is hard. It has to be one of if not the most difficult things to do in this world. I've been feeling like a failure lately. Our son just turned six, he's sweet and sensitive but also very selfish and, I guess, greedy. He just wants and wants and when he doesn't get something he gets angry and throws fits. When he does get what he asks for he doesn't really show appreciation, its like it was a given that he should receive it so why be thankful? He has a room dedicated to his toys, he plays with none of them unless a friend comes over. He also won't give anything up. When I told him there are kids that don't have toys he looked at me like I grew two heads, kids with no toys? Unthinkable. That's a funny story, Mom. When I see other kids choosing to have people donate to charities instead of giving them birthday gifts or kids that see a homeless person and are so moved they want to buy them food and help them I can't help but feel like I failed somewhere. So much so that I was looking into sending him to a private Christian school because I obviously am doing a terrible job of teaching our values so I need to pay someone else to do it. We decided not to but it's something we need to work on.
So last week, as we were coming up on Good Friday, I talked to him about what Good Friday is about. He was shocked. "Jesus is already dead???" he exclaimed. Again, that feeling of failure. My child doesn't even know the very basics of our faith, what have I done! So I go about searching for every resource I can find to teach him about the crucifixion and resurrection. Let me tell you it's not easy to find age appropriate info for a six year old. It was either extra vague stuff for toddlers that glosses over everything or full on, in your face violence. Thankfully, I found that there is an Adventure Bible made for early readers that said its for 6-10 year olds. I buy that, I pull it out on Good Friday at bedtime and I read Luke to him from the last supper until the end of the gospel. It was long, my throat was sore, but he needed to know the real story! He made some sad sounds as Jesus was arrested but I told him not to worry, everything turns out okay! He went to sleep without saying much. I had no idea if I'd done the right thing. Saturday went by uneventfully.
Sunday morning and we are getting ready for church. I pull out his Called to Duty t-shirt. It has the line "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends" on it. I pointed out to him that in the background of the shirt was Jesus and the two criminals on crosses. He says to me "Yeah they all died." I told him but Jesus was going to take the one man to heaven with him because he believed. The other one did not believe so he didn't get to go be with Jesus. He looks at me and says "I want to be with Jesus in heaven" and I told him all you have to do is believe in Him and accept Him and you'll get to be with Him in heaven someday. He wanted to know how to let Jesus know that he believes and I told him to just say it. Just say Jesus I believe in you, that you are the Son of God and died for me. I told him a lot of people like to get baptized as a symbol of that acceptance and to tell other people you believe. He said he thought baptism was a bad thing, not sure where he got that idea. Then he said maybe he'll do that when he's a teenager. So cute. It was a neat moment though, it showed me he'd been thinking.
We get to church, take him to the kid's area and go to the service. Halfway through or so they come get me because our son is having problems and they need my help. He'd been crying. He held onto me and said he just wanted to be with us so I said he'd could come sit with us but had to be quiet for the rest of the sermon and he agreed. I was skeptical... to say the least. He surprised me again, he was not only quiet but after a few minutes he turned to face the front and was watching and listening fairly intently to our pastor. He'd started talking about the free gift that Jesus offers us and how all we have to do is accept it and he mentioned we'd be doing baptisms soon. All of the stuff we had talked about that morning was what our son was just in time to hear, authoritatively and passionately from our pastor. Interesting, how after months of going to this church and never a problem where he needed me to come get him out, he ends up needing to come sit with us and hears exactly what he'd been curious about. He even said he liked it and thought he heard some good stuff!
Last night as I put him to bed he said he was sad grandma wasn't there to sleep with him. Grandma had spent Sunday night at our house and he'd ended up sleeping with her. He said he is scared without someone to sleep with. I asked him "Grandma can't always be here, but who is always here?" and his response? "God, but He's dead isn't He?"
"No baby, He died but 3 days later He rose from the dead and then later ascended to heaven. Now He can be everywhere at once and can be in your heart and with you always, if you believe in Him."
"I do believe!" he tells me.
Then he says "I want to be in heaven with Jesus right now" annnnnnd I say why don't we wait on that for a long time okay? haha
Maybe I was trying to do too much on my own. All I needed to do was read to him from an actual Bible. Not a storybook for toddlers version, but the real thing. Let God speak for me. There is help for all of our problems right there in The Word.
And how from childhood you have been acquainted the the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 2 Timothy 3:15
